Saturday, December 13, 2008
My social butterfly
I have a confession to make - not something that I am proud of. But I am hoping that as I write about it I will find healing.
My Matt is becoming more and more social. When we are in the supermarket he loves connecting to people - making eye contact or a cute sound to draw their attention, sometimes even reaching out to them with his hands. He particularly loves having "chats" with those in the check out queues and those behind the tills. Now as a mother you would think that I would just delight in those moments. And a big part of me does, but there is another part of me that is wishing Matt wouldn't draw attention to himself. I have been pondering this reaction of mine - trying to figure out the root cause of this. And here it is - FEAR. I fear that the person Matt is "chatting" to will discover that Matt isn't "normal" and then they might think less of him or reject him.
I realise that I can't protect Matt from the world and I can't keep him in a safe bubble. I know that I have to let him make friends even though there is a risk of hurt and pain. I am praying for strength to let go and let Matt interact. I know oneday I will have to walk with him through the sorrow of rejection, and I am praying that I will have the strength for that. I am also praying that until that day comes I will not live in fear, but rather be free to delight in my little social butterfly as he spreads his wings and warms the hearts of strangers.