Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A smile just for me

His smiles were a long time coming. They were there under the surface like daffodil bulbs deep beneath the earth.

Many months I waited. Looking at him, looking at his eyes. Nothing, no recognition. His rare smiles only reserved for bright colourful objects, but not for his mother. Other mothers were already enjoying the delights of loving smiles from their precious little ones.

I felt like I was all alone even when I was with him.

2 months old

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

Slowly he started seeing me. At first it was just a fleeting glance that seemed to rest a little longer on my eyes. Then he would keep my gaze for a few seconds, curiously watching my facial expressions. Until there were days when he would stare endlessly, fascinated. Every time he looked at me - joy filled my being like delicious hot chocolate on a freezing day.

Yet I longed for a smile. Not at the luminous yellow and green book that he loved so much, but at me. A smile just for me. A smile that told me that he knew me and that he was happy that I was in his life. A smile that said he knew he was loved.

There were times when I would return from being out shopping having left him in the care of my mother or husband. I was excited to see him, yet always a little saddened that he would not seem to notice my return. There were no smiles.

6 months old

7 months old

8 months old.

Today he was sitting – still wobbly but a lot steadier than he has before – I was holding up a rainbow coloured wheel, spinning it gently in front of his face. He was captivated by it. But then he did something so unexpected. He slowly lifted his head towards mine, and shakily looked me in the eyes. And he smiled.

He smiled at me.

A smile just for me.

I smiled back at him. His smile broadened, his eyes brilliant with laughter and warmth. Tears filled my eyes. Thank you my God for giving me the patience to wait while the beautiful flower bulbs have been growing and sprouting unseen for so many months. Today they have broken the soil’s surface and stand tall, splendid and magnificent, bringing delight to all who see.