Monday, December 21, 2009

We have been through a season of processing MANY emotions - last month we had a miscarriage when we were 10 weeks pregnant. We have worked through a lot of our feelings and are in a better place, and thus ready to share our experience.

Here is a poem I wrote as I reflected on it all:

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My little child
I never saw your face
I never felt your physical touch
But through your presence in my life
...through your little heart beating in my belly
You taught me so much
in the little time you were with me

You showed me where I have wounds
Places of pain that I have kept hidden
You helped me to bring them into the light
And to find healing

You showed me where I have dreams
Where I have hope
To have another child
To mother a little person

You showed me where I have fears
Uncertainty about my future
And how I will cope
And how Matt will cope

You showed me where I was holding on too tight
Where I was gripping with fierce control
To things that I cannot hold
Or determine

You inspired me
To face my fears
To choose hope
To choose trust
To release control
To let go and breathe
To give myself to my dreams

You showed me, as did Matt
That the only way to live this life
Is in Gratitude

I thank God for you
and for the 10 weeks you were with us
I will never forget you

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We have done some symbolic acts to help us mourn and also to help us celebrate life. The one was to buy a decorative wall-hanging for our garden. It is made of wire and it spells out the word TRUST. This reminds us that we are not in control of our lives, and we choose to TRUST in God. We trust that no matter what happens, He will be with us and He will provide us with what we need to stand.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
Lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight
Proverbs 3: 5-6

8 comments:

Ivo Serentha and Friends said...
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Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Im so sorry. the poem was beautiful. thinking of you.

Kristi said...

I am praying for you.. I hope your family will have a good Christmas Season. Thinking of you this evening. Love, Kristi and Noah

Angelica mom to JesusRTS said...

I am sorry to hear of your loss, you are such a great mom! Hugs!

Craig, Taryn and our blessings said...

Oh Jax! I feel your pain, my friend. Miscarriage is such an enormous loss. I remember the encouraging words you had for us when we lost our little baby Jo at 8 weeks. I pray that those words (that God is more committed to the welfare of our child than we can ever think or imagine) will be a soothing balm to your heart too. May we one day be able to dance with our heavenly children alongside our Lord. Love and hugs, T

Belinda Chaplin said...

Bless you my friend. Thank-you for your honesty here-it is such a blessing!

Cindy said...

Jacqui, Lloyd and Matt,

We are so sorry to hear of your loss. We pray for God's comfort for you and encouragement. And we know that you will see your precious baby again. Trusting in the Lord is all we have...and it's a very wonderful thing!

Cindy and Tom

Kelly said...

Jacqui,

I am so sorry to hear this. I will be thinking of you and your family! Kelly F