Thursday, November 27, 2008

I think Holland is becoming home

On Monday we took Matt to the aquarium. It was his first visit. He sat snuggling in our arms and slowly looked at the fish swimming in the big glass tanks. He showed real interest in shiny silver fish and he also seemed to like the very large fish. The small jelly fish also kept his attention. After our stroll through the aquarium we went to the adjoining restaurant for a snack. There they had a kiddies play centre with various slides, trucks, and other fun toys. There were 4 other toddlers in the play area with Matt and me. Matt was slowly exploring the dog-shaped chairs whilst the other kiddies were up and down the climbing frame, running to and fro, and whizzing down the slide. I was watching them and I realized that I didn’t feel that sorrow that I used to feel – I wasn’t thinking “I wonder if Matt would have been like them if he didn’t have this syndrome”. In fact I was quite overwhelmed by their busyness, their loudness, their up and down and forward and backwards. I was reminded of those movie scenes where the main character is in focus and moving slowly while the rest of the scene is sped up to give the impression of the world rushing past the main character. That is how I felt. Matt and I sitting in a peaceful bubble and these other kids were just whizzing around us. I wonder if I am getting used to being in Holland and starting to really appreciate the slower pace.

I have been thinking about that this week and how best to describe the difference in our journey when comparing to typical kids. It is like comparing a road trip to a hike. On a road trip you can go a long distance and you see many different places. On a hike, the distance covered is not as extensive but you still get to see lots of things. You get to experience and discover things that you would surely miss if you were driving past in a car. I like the fact that Matt and I are hiking through life – he is showing me the pretty rocks, the interesting leaves, the funny looking bugs, and the cute little flowers of life that I haven’t ever noticed before. Sometimes I do still miss the rush of life in the car. Sometimes I look at my friends going places that we won’t get to in a while and feel a bit down. But mostly I like that fact that I have stepped out of speedy world of cars and am now learning to meander through life and enjoy the sights and sounds along the way. Yes I think I am finding a home in Holland.


Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

I love your description of it being compared to the movie where everything around is going crazy fast, and you are sitting their peacefully in your bubble. Things are slow, but you dont miss a beat!
I love it,

Welcome to Holland neighbor.

hennhouse said...

Your heart is so beautiful.

Welcome home, neighbor.

Nicole, Graeme and Janel said...

Hey Jax - I've only just read your post about Holland now. What a great story! And what a great way to describe your journey.

I hear what you say about you being in a bubble... as much as I love Nellie, and adore her, and cherish her, there are times when I find her enthusiasm for life overwhelming, and Mommy must come see this, or do this, or play with me.

I don't know - I guess being sick on top of pregnant at the moment really brings it home, because I simply don't have the energy to keep up with her. I find myself longing for the days where she was tiny and in a cot, and less busy! Your slower pace of life is enviable at a time like this in mine.

Kristi said...

Love this post Jacqui. I am crying happy tears. I understand about being in a peaceful bubble .. You do have a beautiful spirit. hugs to Matt

Cindy said...

Amen! Especially for those of us going at light speed through life, God knew what he was doing when he gave us a special needs slow down and enjoy the trip. Well said!