Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Helpless...

Right now it is 8.39pm and I am so frustrated. Lloyd is in with Matt who has been protesting sleep for the last hour. This has become a pattern for the last while – every night Matt looks sleepy. We put him down and he hums and sings for a little while. Then he just starts crying and moaning.
The internal battle begins…. Should I leave him to cry…or should I comfort him. I always end up comforting him eventually. I wonder if he is sore or in pain??? His teeth have been taking forever to emerge – could it be that??? I have given him some basic pain relief – but is that enough??? Does he need something stronger??? Are the pain tablets working yet – his digestive system is so slow?? I go in cuddle him, he settles. I leave, he cries and screams.
Is it that he is not tired??? No he woke up just before his lunch at 1pm. I go in cuddle him, he settles. I leave, he cries and screams.
Maybe it is his constipation – when did he have a poo??? No he poo-ed today so it can’t be that. I go in cuddle him, he settles. I leave, he cries and screams.
Is he thirsty? Did he have enough to drink today? I'm sure he did...but maybe not??? I go in cuddle him, he settles. I leave, he cries and screams.

Is this just a stage? Has he realized it is more fun to be awake than to sleep? Or is there something seriously wrong? Will he ever want to sleep again? I go in cuddle him, he settles. I leave, he cries and screams. And so it continues and continues.

I feel defeated and tired. Then the resentment creeps in – I feel like I give him so much of my attention and love throughout the day, I really would like some time for me in the evenings. I would love to have an hour to just chat to my husband before my brain becomes a fuzz of tiredness. I resent the fact that my evenings are dominated by the little cry monster. It is so hard to plan evenings out because by the time we settle him it is so late. We haven’t had supper before 8pm for weeks, and if we eat at 8pm then that is a good night!!! It is amazing how helpless and lost I feel in all of this. Add to that a good dose of confusion and guilt. Parenting can be really tough!!!

7 comments:

Kristi said...

oh Jacqui I know how you feel. It sounds to me like he is playing "the game". Noah did that for a few weeks. I felt so helpless I didn't know what to do. When I realized that he was changed, fed, not thirsty, no fever , nothing seemed wrong, I figured out he was fine when I came in the room but as soon as I left he screamed. Finally I had to just let him cry to sleep. After a few days "the game" stopped.

Myssie said...

I agree with Kristi on this one. It is so hard to do but it will be okay in the end. Hang in there. Thinking of you...

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Well, I was good at this with my older boys. noah actually always put himself to sleep quietly, Joel we had to let cry, it took one night, and one and a half hours, but that was it, and I have two very wonderful sleepers now.
Alex however is different for me, I dont what is wrong, there is always a good chance it could be medical, it could just be teeth, with Alex everything is different there is no black or white on what to do. I feel your pain. This to shall pass.....I think.

angie said...

It will get better....hang in there! It is so tough to be a mommy sometimes. It's just hard to know what the "right" thing to do is. I agree with the others that he is probably playing a game with you. However, trust your mommy instincts if you think it's more than that. Here's hoping you get some mommy down time, spend time with your husband, and have dinner earlier time SOON!

Kristen Jade said...

Hey Jx. If it's any consolation, Grant and I have to cuddle Kristen to sleep every night. That may be our own doing, but she doesn't go to sleep on her own or without having physical contact with us. In many ways and most times I love these cuddles, cos we chat, sing, read a story, just lie there together until she falls asleep and we put her down. I know exaclty how you feel about having some space with your hubby,but I know it's only a season. Some evening last week Kristen only got tired at about 9! I do love the cuddles though and think that I'll won't ever be able to relive them again.

Nicole, Graeme and Janel said...

Hey Jax, my heart goes out to you... this parenting thing really is tough. When Nellie has problems sleeping, for whatever reason (teeth, colds, nightmares) and she won't settle after a cuddle, I'm afraid I resort to mildly doping her - I find a dose of Ibuprofen works like a bomb.

Unfortunately for us, if she's not sleeping it will be at some time between midnight and 4am. I don't like doing it, but doping her means that at least we all get some sleep. If we didn't we would all wake up tired, grumpy and irritable with each other, which makes for a really bad start to the day, so I figure it's the lesser of two evils. And since we don't have to do it often (we're blessed with a really good little sleeper! let's hope the next one is too!) I'm not concerned about her becoming drug dependent to be able to sleep.

Something else that just occurred to me - do you have anything that smells of you that you could leave in the cot without him getting strangled by? One old trick I heard of (but haven't tried) is to put a hot water bottle inside a 'dirty' pillow case or jersey or shirt, so that he smells you and feels 'your' warmth. Might be worth a try.

Good luck!!

Craig, Taryn and our blessings said...

Hey Jax - just catching up with your blog. Thank you for your honesty. Your questions reflect every mother's questions - I've found myself thinking the same thing with my kids and my actions are like the pendulum of a clock, " you will cry yourself to sleep, young man!" to "but what if he's ill? he's so small - he'll be a teenager soon!" ;-) I suspect little Micah will have to be "cried out" like his brother was, in our home. Thankfully the Lord has given us the freedom to make these sorts of decisions - so there is no hard and fast rule to make you feel guilty! I'm praying that you find a solution soon and if you do go the cry-it-out route that you'll have stickability, cos it's emotionally heart-wrenching (for the parents!!) HUGS! T