Sometimes I can see he just doesn’t understand
I explain but my words don’t bring any light
He remains in the dark
And my heart breaks
Sometimes I can see he is frustrated
He throws a toy, he pushes his brother, he hits a friend in
the face
I don’t know why
He doesn’t have the words to tell me
I remain in the dark
And my heart breaks
Sometimes I don’t understand his world
What makes him really mad seems insignificant to me
What makes him so happy seems trivial to me
We look at each other from opposite sides of a mirror
Only seeing the reflection of our own confusion
Not seeing each other
And my heart breaks
Sometimes I have to just let me hands fall at my side and hang
my head
Because I don’t know how to help him
Because I don’t know how to reach him
Because I don’t know how to understand him
I only know that I am a powerless parent
And my heart breaks
Sometimes – not all the time, not every day, not even every week,
but sometimes…my heart just breaks.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wrote this poem last night. I needed an outlet for the pain and frustration I was feeling in my parenting of Matt. Today is already a better day, I have had bonding moments with Matt that have connected us, we have understood each other on other levels. Though the frustration does remain, it is not as intense. I felt I should share it as part of my commitment to authenticity and recognising that life with someone who has RTS is not easy, rewarding yes, but not easy.
