Yesterday's mistakes are today's aha moments

"Yesterday's mistakes are today's aha moments"

This is something that Rose-Anne Reynolds, who heads up Inclusion at Matt's school, (and who blogs here), mentioned to me as we met last week to reflect on Matt's school experience. What she said resonated with me.

Yesterday's mistakes are today's aha moments...

what does this mean?

it means that you don't know the way

it means that you are comfortable with uncertainty

it means you are humble because you cannot be sure

it means you cannot dress yourself with arrogance and superiority because they just don't fit well

it means that you when you try something you are not assured of success

it means that you take a risk

it means you have to be ok with things not working out

it means that you might face failure

and when things haven't worked out then it means that you don't
fall apart
become discouraged
feel like a failure
give in to the fear
or give up

it means that when something hasn't worked...
you stop and look
and learn
and ask questions
and learn more
and dream again
and get creative
and then you try something else
knowing that this something else might not work,
but then again, it might


I am grateful to Matt's teachers who really do live out this belief and do not shy away from taking on the unknown. We have tried some things with Matt, and then have had to change part of it, and then tweek another part, and then start doing something new, and then change that, and then alter one part and and and... Last year Rose-Anne and I met at least once a month to do this. She met regularly with his facilitator and teacher. I chatted with the facilitator daily. I met with the teacher at least twice a term. It took time. It took effort. But it was worth it.

As a parent I found the beginning of the process frightening. Matt is so precious to me, I wanted to protect him from anything that might harm him. In some ways I saw him more vulnerable than other children. That if we didn't get it right the first time then we would somehow damage him or make his condition worse. It was hard for me to let Matt go into the unknown.

But I didn't have a choice - there were no guarantees. Fortunately Rose-Anne and her team modelled the freedom of not being scared for failures. This gave me courage.

I came to see that Matt is really not as fragile as I thought.
In fact he is rather resilient.
And I came to see he could show us the way too.
And so we have had many aha moments
And Matt, and I, and the school are all better for it.

Good Inclusion links

Here are two links that I have come across that I don't want to lose track of.

First is a moving, inspiring, and heart-warming speech by a mother who  shares why she is passionate about Inclusion for her son

And here is a great article written by a teacher who worked with children who have special needs in a setting where these children were educated in a separate classroom within a mainstream school...she shares some really useful perspectives on why Inclusion should be pursued...

Here are some of my favourite quotes from her article

"We have absolutely no way to know what a child will or will not be able to learn, and so the best we can do is assume competence and provide supports and accommodations that respond to the learner’s needs. Not parallel curriculum! Not different goals! Our professional obligation is to give all children full-time access to the general education curriculum (social and academic) via class membership that is valued."

"Belonging is a prerequisite for learning, and without a sense of belonging, learning is difficult."

Wielding the power inside her effectively...

I love this..

'delayed' is a word that helps neither me nor my daughter at all, nor any professionals that serve her.  To think of development, milestones, victories - only in vertical linear patterns keeps us in a "catch up" mindset.  I don't believe Addie is delayed.  I think she's just different.  Even when she could walk, it wasn't that she caught up to other kids - she still does it differently.  She is unable to speak verbally, but that is not a matter of being behind, we are not awaiting speech.  She communicates effectively through a variety of other means.  And our goal is not that she do things like everyone else.  It's that she does things in a way that helps her understand, appreciate and wield the power inside her effectively - no matter if it looks nothing like those around her.

 

a quote from Terri who blogs here, and whose comments on our RTS Email Support Group always inspire me to pursue a future for Matt that has concepts like belonging, participation, contributing meaningfully and other ideas that push towards Matt being appreciated as a valuable person in society.

To Do Today (By Terri)

I love the fact that I live in an age where the internet has made connections possible that otherwise would not have been - I follow a good number of blogs by parents who have kiddies with RTS. Reading their words are a gift to me in so many ways. Addie's mom, Terri, not only has inspiring thoughts but has a remarkable way using words to describe them. She also writes for a website called Hopeful Parents which is worth checking out. I had to steal her latest contribution. It really spoke to me, and summed up much of my daily dilemma...

To Do Today

• Put her out there
• Keep her close
• Orchestrate situations in which she can succeed
• Sit back, hands off, see what she can do
• Make annual appointments with multiple specialists per diagnosis guidelines
• Let her be until and unless she appears to need medical attention
• Schmooze the professionals and experts in her life
• Screw the professionals, I am the expert
• Advocate to affect systems change
• Don’t rely on systems
• Contact insurance about coverage for a new communication device
• Research alternate funding as insurance is unlikely to cover a new device
• Seek work for pay
• Continue to work for other compelling reasons and no pay
• Worry
• Don’t worry
• Trust others with her
• Investigate,monitor, and record the actions of others in her life
• Remember she is ‘special’ because she is different
• Remember that she is just a regular kid
• Respond to insensitive comments with a grace aimed at educating
• Fling a zinger back when stupid things are said and done
• Promote inclusive attitudes by taking risks and assuming inclusion
• Don’t expect acknowledgement of any kind
• Search for strategies to mitigate her challenges
• Accept her as she is
• Celebrate
• Grieve
• Participate in typical family life
• Redefine my own family life
• Let people in
• Guard privacy
• Say yes
• Say no
• See what others have done, don’t reinvent the wheel
• Pave a new path, do it my own way
• Get involved in everything
• Take time for myself
• Ask for help
• Don’t depend on others
• Try to work my family into the typical flow of my community
• Sign on to exclusive disability-related opportunities with those who “get it”
• Campaign to change words referencing those with intellectual differences
• Don’t let words get to me
• Change everything
• Change nothing
• Push
• Pull
• Act
• Wait
• Do
• Don't

To Do Tomorrow

• Put her out there
• Keep her close
• Orchestrate situations in which she can succeed
• Sit back,

                      hands off,
                                     
                                        see
                                           
                                              what
                                                 
                                                       she
                                                      
                                                              can
                                                             
                                                                     do…

A distraction? Or a signpost?

I stumbled upon this blog by Rachel Held Evans, and was drawn to a post that she wrote - Blessed are the Uncool - in response to very sad incident where a boy with cerebral palsy and his mother were escorted out of a church service because he was making a noise, and was thus too much of a distraction during the worship time. She writes a challenging post about Jesus' response to those deemed by the cool people as "distractions". It is really worth a read if you are interested in God's vision and heart for the church.

There were a couple hundred who commented on this post in particular. It was one lady's story in the comment section that reduced me to tears - for it reminded me that God doesn't value people in the way that our society does; God's love is much bigger than I can imagine; and that God has plans and purposes for Matt is His kingdom that are beyond that which I can plan or hope.

Here is the comment written by a tender-spirited lady called Sara Harding:

"I was a volunteer in my single days at a family camp for those with disabilities. Joni Erickson Tada was speaking and this man named Geoff, who was a head injury survivor kept moaning very loudly, so loudly that it had become a total distraction. You know what she did? She asked that he be brought up on stage. Then they asked him what was wrong. He had been listening to Joni's talk about how God uses broken people to heal a broken world. And he had started crying loudly for this broken world! I cannot express the profound spirit that fell on that place then. Joni prayed with him for our broken world. And his face, his face was all shining! He was looking up through his tears and there was a look on his face I will never forget, and I doubt any who were there will forget it either. I can't even share the story without breaking down, words just can't describe it. So I try to think of that whenever there is a distraction in church by the "uncool." What was accomplished through his tears, through the uniting of everyone in prayer, what strongholds of the enemy were defeated because of a distraction."

What do we live to do, the way a horse lives to run?

Husband John and pregnant wife Martha have just undergone tests to see if their unborn baby has Down Syndrome. They do not know the outcome of the test yet. We join them in a midst of a heated debate about how to handle the possible outcome...

"Look, honey, nothing's worng with our baby," he said. "Our baby is fine. And yes, I agree with you that birth defects are a tragedy any way you look at it, but abortion is a way to deal with the problem, you know? To limit it. That's all I was saying."

I wiped my eyes with a paper napkin and peered at my husband's weary, frustrated face.  "And you'd still want me to abort this baby if it wasn't normal," I said, "Wouldn't you?"

John pulled in a deep breathe and let it out slowly. He looked terribly tired. "Look." he said. "I know I can't always see things from your perspective, and I'm sorry about that. But the way I see it, if a baby is going to be deformed or something, abortion is a way to keep everyone from suffering - especially that baby. It's like shooting a horse that's broken its let." John's father had been born to a clan of sheepherders, and he was always quick with barnyard analogies.

"A lame honse dies slowly, you know?" said John. "It dies in terrible pain. And it can't run anymore, so it can't enjoy life even if it doesn't die. Horses live to run; that's what they do. If a baby is born not being able to do what other people do, I think it's better not to prolong its suffering."

I nodded. The torrent of emotion seemed to be passing. I felt as though a hurricane had swept through me, leaving me hollow and exhausted. I swallowed a mouthful of orange juice and closed my eyes.

"And what is it," I said softly, more to myself than to John, "What is it that people do? What do we live to do, the way a horse lives to run?"

I didn't expect an answer, and John didn't give me one. He just moved his chair closer to mine and put an arm around my shoulders. "You're awfully tired, aren't you?" I nodded trying to hold back another wave of tears.

"Let's get you home," he said, stroking my hair. "You look so pale - how much blood did the vampire nurses take, anyway?" I managed to smile. "Just enough for their midnight buffet." John smiled....

...I just rested my face against John's chest and closed my eyes again. John brought his other arm around and folded me to his chest. He was still wearing his bulky down parka. It was like a pillow against my cheek. I could feel his heart beating beneath the coat. For a moment, I let the anxiety in my chest relax, let myself forget everything I had to do that day, let myself feel utterly safe. And then I understood that John was answering my question, even though he didn't know he was. This is it, I thought. This is the part of us that makes our brief, imporbable little lives worth living: the ability to reach through our own isolation and find strength, and comfort, and warmth for and in each other. This is what human beings do. This is what we live for, the way horses live to run.

Taken from the book Expecting Adam by Martha Beck, pages 134-136

This is the part of us that makes our brief, improbable little lives worth living: the ability to reach through our own isolation and find strength, and comfort, and warmth for and in each other. This is what human beings do. This is what we live for, the way horses live to run.

Discovering the Possibilities

"So much suffering comes from disappointment. We wait for something which we believe will bring us happiness, and it does not arrive. We see only the negative things that have come our way, illness, a child with a handicap, and we close up in anger and rebellion.

Human wisdom means coming back down to earth; not closing ourselves up in a beautiful ideal which we must attain, but

welcoming reality just as it is;

discovering God present in reality;

not struggling against reality, but working with it;

discovering the seed of life, the possibilities hidden in it. "

Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, page 165

Compare

compare

transitive verb

• to regard as similar, to liken
• to examine in order to observe or discover similarities or differences

intransitive verb

• to be worthy of comparison with
• to be regarded as similar or equal
• to make comparisons
• to stand in comparison; measure up

etymology: Latin comparare com- with parare- to make equal

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Often it can be very helpful to compare. It is a useful skill that has resulted in improvements, invetions and advancements in all fields of life throughout history. When we arrive in a new situation we compare it to what we know already in order to decide how best to deal with the unknown. Comparisons allow us to get the best deals and make the better choices. We can learn much when we compare one thing to another.

As long as comparison is limited to inanimate objects it is safe and helpful; but as soon as you start comparing human beings then it becomes more complicated. Comparison has inspired and motivated discoverers to explore new lands, sports people to push performance boundaries; academics to excell, and innovators to invent. yet it is a double edged sword - there is always one person who walks away feeling motivated and superior, whilst the other is left defeated, demotivated and inferior. And the darker side of comparison is what drives much of our materialistic economy - the desire to be better than one's neighbour - to have the better clothers, car, house, watches, cell phones, body, hair, appearance etc. is all rooted in me comparing myself to you.

Comparing children, is not however, a complicated matter. It is never helpful, useful or beneficial. It should be avoided at all costs. Yet so many of us fall into this trap, including myself. When I slip into measuring Matt up to another child, he and I inevitably end up feeling defeated, demotivated and inferior. I start focusing on all the things he can't do, rather than celebrating all the things that he can, and all the things that he is. Yet that is not really how I view Matt, nor do I wish him to view himself in this light.

Given how prevalent comparison is in our lives and society, I have decided that the only way to prevent myself from falling in its trap is to be ruthless about eliminating comparison from my life.

I am committing myself to being intentional about celebrating each child for who she is, for the unique gifts and personality he may have and for the personal achievements she has reached. I want to actively war against comparision by speaking blessing and encouragement over Matt and also over every child of my friends, seeking out the special think that God is doing in them.

Will you join me in finding the good and unique thing in every child?

Eternity

The reality of eternity was brought home to me when a close friend of mine passed away recently. My faith teaches me that there is life after death and the choices we make during this life time does have an impact on what comes next. Though I do believe this, I don't think it has fully impacted my life.

My friend, who lived with an aggressive form of cancer for 18 months, came to a place of knowing that God would not heal him. And that he would die, leaving behind his wife and two small daughters. His sorrow was great, knowing that his girls would have to live on without him. But - and this is what really moved me and many others - he really seemed to look forward to Eternity, to being with his Father. Really. Until the end, peace and joy surrounded him. Really.

His memorial service was filled with stories of people being impacted by this hope that he had. Even his pastor admitted that he thought for a while our friend might be in denial and that the harsh reality of his situation would hit and then deep anger or depression would explode. But it never did. Our friend was at peace.

Really.

My friend had fully immersed himself in the fact that there was life after death and that as Jesus was going to be there, it could only be amazing. The bible (1Corinthians 13) explains how we only see in part now, as if we are seeing in a fog. You don't see a whole lot when you are walking in a fog. So if I look at Matt's life, I need to remember that I am only seeing things through a fog. I do not see him as God sees him. I do not yet see all of God's plans and purposes for his young life. I look forward to the day when the Sun melts away the fog and we all see Matt as God does.

It will blow our minds.

The bible also warns us not to hold onto the temporary things too tightly, but urges us to fight for that which has eternal value. This year I am asking God to show me where I am clinging to these - where I am wasting time and energy stressing about issues which may seem huge now but are of no eternal value. It reminds me a bit about camping. Because I know that a camping trip is short term, I don't stress about sleeping on a lumpy mattress, or not having running water, or the many other hosts of inconveniences. I can enjoy the important things of the experience - the nature, the friendships, the relaxation without it being undermined by stressing about temporary discomforts.

I am also asking God to show me that eternal things and moments in my life. That which I am to pursue. I have a suspicion that these are not massive, public moments that one might expect; rather they are the unseen moments of...

choosing love when I could easily use tiredness as an excuse for being abrupt;

choosing patience when I could easily succoumb to the hustle and bustle of life;

choosing gratitude when I feel I have every reason to complain;

or of choosing friendship and relationship over productivity and the need to get stuff done.

Many of my interactions with Matt are potential eternal moments.

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We don't see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:

Trust steadily in God

Hope Unswervingly

Love Extravagantly

And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 9-13 The Message

Beacons of hope

Their love for each other was unmistakeable. Neil and Bee. He was in a car accident a few yesars ago, which left him with a host of injuries. He has had to undergo a number of surgeries, and is in mostly good health now. Except that his thinking and memory is affected. I met him in 2005 when he came to volunteer at my work place. It was arranged that he help us out because it would be good for his recovery. In return we were blessed by his friendly and positive personality.

Now I see that he has fallen in love. Bee - She can't really manage to walk without Neil gently supporting her. She is beautiful with well groomed hair, face and dress. I can see her mind is sharp, but she struggles to form words in her mouth. She talks, I try to listen and only understand a little. Neil "translates" for her - he understands everything she says. She too was in an accident and her injuries have taken longer to heal.

Neil still comes to voluteer and this week he had brought Bee with him. I met them on their way our of our building so didn't get long to chat with them. But I was drawn to their warmth and obvious love for each other - so tender.

As I work part time I am not always up to date with everyone's news. So I asked a colleague to update me to Neils relationship with Bee. They have been in a relationship for a while now, in fact that have made promises of love to each other and exchanged rings. They are in some senses married, but they cannot live together as the complications of both their injuries would make it too difficult. They both live with their own families - in two different cities! But they don't let distance undermine their love - they travel regularly to visit each other.

I was so moved by their story - their love is a beacon of hope for me, and for my dreams and contemplations about Matt's future. If you read my blog regularly you will know that my deep prayer for Matt is that he will always be loved. I am not necessarily talking about "marriage love" - but just love: "interaction, understanding, belonging, friendship love". In a world where people so often get distracted by outward appearances, ability, success, and power - Neil and Bee's love tells me that there are people who can see past all the outward stuff and love the person on the inside. That is indeed a beacon of hope.

No limits

She had a shy but radiant smile at first. She was one of those people who, when you met her, were invited into her “real” self immediately. It seemed that she did not want to play the social games of “hide and seek”. I was warmed to her quickly. Her name is Jess.

Last Saturday our physiotherapist had invited us to meet Jess and her mother. I had previously heard inspiring stories about this young lady: how she had been given a “no-hope” diagnosis, and how her parents had been told that she would never be able to read or write. Today she can send text messages and surf the net. She has raised money for her personal needs – like buying plane tickets, a keyboard, air-conditioner, and many more useful items – by making and selling beaded angels.

Her mother had a kind smile and was delightfully interested in Matt. I could see that she had a deep and firm strength to her – most likely built through the years of raising a child with special needs. Yet her strength did not overpower her gentle and inviting manner. I enjoyed hearing her share about being a mother to Jess. I was very encouraged.

Although our visit was short as Matt needed to head home for nap, it was a precious encounter. Jess is a role model for me – a picture of how a young person with special needs can develop into an insightful, humorous, and confident adult. Interacting with her has strengthened my belief that we need to be so careful and so intentional about never putting any limits on Matt’s ability or development.

I hope to see Jess again – I have placed an order for some of her beaded angels so I am sure we will.

Gratitude

A while back I read blog post by an honest mom who was sharing how she was struggling with other parents who complain about things their children can do and do too much of, whilst her child may never do those things. For example, a parent saying that their child is such a chatter box that it drives them crazy, whilst this mom (and me) don’t know if our child will ever speak.

I have also had moments when other moms complain about how their little one is just 9 months and has already started walking and it has turned her life upside down, if only he would wouldn’t develop so fast. I can’t relate because I have been waiting for Matt to walk for over 2 years. Or another mom who bemoans the fact that her child just eats anything he gets his hands on – and I think about Matt who would wish to eat anything, but still gags on most foods and therefore is still mainly eating mashed food. These are just two examples, there are many others.

Now I don’t for a moment doubt that to the mom, who is frustrated or inconvenienced by her child’s walking, talking or eating, that she genuinely feels stressed by these issues. She feels her life is made more complicated by them. However my heart is saddened because I feel that she is missing out on some happiness. From my perspective she has it easy, things could be a lot harder - and though I don’t want her to pity me, I do wish that she would be grateful for her child and what her child can do. It seems odd to me that she should be stressing about such small things. What a waste of happiness that she could have been living in.

I hope and pray that she would look at my journey with Matt and feel gratitude – that she would go home and celebrate her 9 month who is walking, or her non-stop-talking daughter, or her munch-as-much-as-you-can eater.

Just as I look at other moms lives, I wonder if some moms are looking at my life. What about my life and journey with Matt might someone else wish I was grateful for. Instead of me focussing on the struggles that Matt has, I can also benefit from a bit of perspective alteration:

I can be grateful that my child lives, as I remember those who have lost their children

I can be grateful that Matt can eat through is mouth, as I remember those with kids who have buttons and tubes.

I can be grateful that Matt can move, crawl, and walk – as I remember those kids who are in wheelchairs, and those kids can’t lift their heads.

I can be grateful that Matt is mostly healthy, as I remember those kids who are hospitalised and fighting chronic or terminal illnesses.

I can be grateful that Matt has both his parents, as I remember those kids with whom I work whose parents have died.

I can be grateful that Matt has access to excellent health and therapeutic resources, as I remember those kids (too many live in my city) whose parents struggle to even buy a loaf of bread.

I can be grateful that Matt is surrounded by a community of loving people, as I remember those kids who are mislabelled, misunderstood and suffer rejection, abuse and stigma.

I can truly be grateful.

.................

Be joyful always, pray continually,

give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16 to 18

There are only two ways to live your life

One is as though nothing is a miracle

The other is as if everything is

-Albert Einstein

Haven't got all your presents yet?

Here is an idea if you are needing that last present but you can't bear to face the heavy traffic and maddening crowds - how about giving a donation to a Very Worthy Cause on behalf of the person to whom you want to give a present. Often we end up buying family and friends presents that they don't need (and may not even want??). By giving to a Very Worthy Cause you not only bless the ones who are in desparate needs of funds , but you also warm the heart of the your family member who knows that their "gift" is making a tangible difference this Christmas.

And, although I know of many worthy causes, one has been on my heart for the last while. Remember I wrote about another mom's blog that I had been following. Sadly her precious son Nathan passed away this year. She and another mom who also has lost a child have started a website, called A Random Act Of Kindness (ARK) to raise funds to assist parents who are caring for kids with Cerebral Palsy. Here is the link to the their website: http://www.arandomactofkindness.co.za/.

Even if you have all your presents sorted and are not looking for a last minute gift, it is worth checking out and remembering the next time you feel prompted to want to make a difference in this world.

My prayer is that the memory of this young boy Nathan will never fade from those who knew him, but will continue to inspire us to find the good in all who we meet and motivate us to reach out to those who may be struggling to live in a world that has not been designed for them.

May you all have a blessed Christmas

Your comments are so precious to me

Thank you to all of you who comment on my posts and share with your thoughts. I appreciate each and every one of them. Often they have been a real encouragement to me during tough times.

Following my previous post I was particularly touched by the words of a mother who is a bit further down this RTS road than I am. Her name is Terri and she too has a blog (I highly recommend you check it out if you haven't already)

I don't know how many of you read the comments made by others, so I thought I would put Terri's words here as they are worth reading and sharing:

"I have a lump in my throat for you because I can remember the fleeting beginnings of those feelings a long time ago. But I have not been visited by them in a long time.

As others have said, Matt isn't normal. If he were normal, he would be centered on himself and not engaging with others at every opportunity - which is beautiful. Like Addie and Natalie and Caden and many others, he reaches out in sweeping simple ways, ways that make people feel special themselves, feel like they deserve the focus they are getting. Over the years, so many people have confided in me that Addie and themselves have a special sort of relationship and they they really seem to "get" each other. I do not tell them that she makes everyone feel like that. I leave the fact that that is one of our highest ranked prides in our sweet daughter unsaid. Interestingly, it doesn't so much draw attention just to Addie herself, but to our humanity, to what is really the basis of our connection with each other. It teaches people about who they themselves are, reminds them of their worthiness. Matt is giving people a great gift. The fear is just a hurdle for you. You'll jump it when you can and never look back until you read a blog post like this one by a young mother one day..."

Life is

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

by Mother Theresa

Isn't it Obvious?

I receive weekly stories from the L'Arche community - here is one that touched my heart:

"I visited Ukraine with my friend Joe. In the children's ward of a large institution for people suffering from intellectual disabilities and mental illness, a hyperactive boy around six years of age was running about the room from one activity to another. When he saw us, he ran headlong into the open arms of Joe, who held him a second and then stooped down to hear what he wanted to say. "I'm a beautiful guy!" he said. Joe then asked him through the translator, "How do you know that's true?" Without missing a beat, the boy responded, "Can't you see? It's obvious!" Living, as I have for the past thirty-five years, with people with intellectual disabilities, I've been learning from them what it means to have a high HQ (heart quotient). It has to do with looking for signs that we are loved, even if we have to ask, then embracing those who love us in a long embrace, and finally claiming that we are, in all truth, beautiful. Isn't it obvious? "

by Sr. Sue Mosteller, L'Arche Daybreak and Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust

What is life about?

This morning I read what Jessica (mother to precious Alex) wrote in response to a comment that Anonymous had left on another mom’s blog. Tamara has a sweet daughter who was born with severe health and developmental issues. Anonymous left a comment that criticized Tamara for not aborting this child in order to spare this girl a tough existence, calling Tamara selfish for using religious motivation to keep this child alive.

I completely disagree with Anonymous, yet I am glad that someone has had the courage to put into words what so many think. That way we can discuss it and debate it. The deep issue that Anonymous raises is actually a question of "what is life about?" and "what makes life worth living?". I think this question is worth considering, because it forces us to examine our values and beliefs about all life.

We live in a world that worships "perfection" so much so that we do strange things to our bodies to keep looking perfect, yet we neglect our souls and end up doing terrible things to each other. We live in a world that worships the attainment of wealth and the ability to dominate so much so that half the world are squashed down by the injustices of the other half. Our world is slowly becoming dangerously hardened and cold as we become more and more focused on self preservation. In the light of such a world our kiddies don't count for much because their very existence challenges the foundations of such a society.

Our kiddies call forth from us compassion, kindness, humanity, joy, selflessness, and respect.

Our kiddies teach us to love and about love, and if we let them, they open the door to God’s love for us.

Our kiddies are greatly honoured in God's kingdom.

Our kiddies will be welcomed as heroes into heaven one day, and will be heaped with heavenly reward for the way that their lives were used by God to transform those who know them into softer, kinder and warmer people.

In 1 Corithians 1: 27, I read “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

In the light of this I can understand why many in our world might be confused about the purpose of our kids' lives - God’s ways don’t make sense. It is rather upside down that God should pour so much love and value into these little people whose bodies (and minds) are weaker. God says our bodies are tents – temporary shelters. Whilst God cares for our bodies and our health, he does warn that is our souls, and not our bodies, that will last forever. This is a wake up call to societies that are obsessed with "the beauty of the body" and the "power of the mind". It is a call to be more concerned about those who have souls with disabilities rather than those who have bodies and minds with disabilities.

Many in our world believe that perfection, success, achievement, independence and wealth is what life is all about. If you hold to that definition our kiddies life may not seem worthwhile. God says life is about love, compassion, interdependence, community and selflessness. According to his definition all our kiddies lives are precious and valuable.

I also shudder to think what our world would become if we follow Anonymous' logic and thinking to it's next step. So we terminate children whose lives don't measure up to some criteria of "normal". What do we do then when someone has a car accident or other tragedy and their healthy body is paralysed or damagee, or their brain functioning impacted? Do we terminate their lives too, because now they don't fit with the criteria of "normal". And then where does that definition of normal begin and end, do we start terminating those who stutter, limp, where glasses or braces because they too aren't fitting into the "normal criteria" and they aren't perfect in every way. This is dangerous thinking with dangerous implications.

Let us rather choose to celebrate our humanity and the diversity of all who live on this planet. Let us support each and every person to reach their full potential.
Let us recognise that each and every person has something to give.

Let us learn to love and receive love.

Compassion

Every Friday morning I meet with two women at our church. We share, encourage each other and pray together for an hour or so. Matt comes along, of course. Most times he plays with toys, sometimes insisting that I play with him whilst I chat - it is a good thing that I can multi-task. He is usually not interested in us big people, but today was different. My one friend was sharing a difficult experience and was very tearful and sobbing quite loudly. Matt was quite concerned about this - he crawled up to her. Pulled himself into standing position in front of her and put his hand in hers, whilst looking deeply into her eyes. It was such a precious moment for all of us. My friend said she was really moved by Matt's act of compassion. I had tears welling up in my eyes as I watched my little boy sharing love with someone in pain. I am amazed at how God is already using him to bless others - even at such a young age.

Hope, love and happiness can change the brain

In a study to be published this month in Neuron, Dr. Eric Kandel, a Nobel laureate and neuroscience professor at Columbia University, found that positive emotions -- safety and security -- affect learning capabilities of mice."Behaviors and thoughts that relate to hope, love and happiness can change the brain -- just as fear, stress and anxiety can change it," Kandel says. "It's completely symmetrical." (Quote from Los Angeles Times, 1 September 2008 )

CHANGE the brain!!!!

Change THE brain!!!!

Change the BRAIN!!!!

When I read the above passage I was blown away by the implications of it. If I raise my Matt in a family and home that is hopeful, full of love and joy his brain will be different than if I raise him in an environment where I give into my fears, depression and stress related to his syndrome.

That is HUGE!!!!

This information brings such hope because it means that there is so much that Lloyd and I can do to make Matt’s life – and even brain – develop more positively.

Yet, this information comes with a huge weight of responsibility for us to truly let go of the negative emotions (fear, stress, and anxiety) that many of us raising a kid with special needs battle against.

I am deeply thankful that I do not need to pull this off in my own strength. The God that I serve is the God of love, in fact He Is Love. He tells me to cast all my cares on Him. He promises - in the face of anxiety - a Peace that passes understanding as we turn to Him in prayer. The gifts of His Holy Spirit are Love, Peace, Joy (amongst many other cool things).

May Lloyd and I always snuggle close to Jesus so that He can pour His goodness through us into our home and into Matt’s life.